pullin 120-125 in a 55 zone, got caught

[DjXsF]

it was almost 6 am comin back from a party in FL. just got the turbo right the day before so i was testin it. doin bout 120 in 55 mph on my ways home. low n behold johnny law was sittin right down the street from my place. gave the woops and red/blues, so instinctually i stopped. came up to the window hand on gun, asked what the **** i was in such a hurry fer. i told him "occifer i'm late fer work" so i guess for the sake of conversation he asked what i do. "i'm a rectal spreader at the local e.r." he retorts "what the **** is a rectal spreader" i'm used to this question so i recite immediatly "i take the rectum, a lil vasiline and shove my finger in, then i get two fingers in there and then three, and eventually i spread the son of a bitch until its bout six feet" he asks me almost discusted "and what the **** do you do with a six foot ass hole" and without delay i reply "give it a crown vic, a radar gun and tell it pull people over"

[Shayaan]

lol i almost thought that was serious lol

[extermin8r]

I told that joke once.... but it was to a friend. Got it out of FHM huh? I hope you didn't really tell that to a cop though, especially going that fast. I would think he wouldn't even let you get a word in before he started beating the sh*t out of you for going that fast haha. Pig.

[Duncan]

So I'm walking out of the grocery store last Sunday - had to pick up a couple of things, you know - and I find a cop writing out a parking ticket.

"Come on," I ask him. "Give a guy a break." And he proceeds to start writing out another ticket for bald tires!

"Oooh, have another donut, fat boy," I say. This pisses him off a little, so he tears off another ticket for a busted taillight!

Of course, I wasn't worried, since I was parked two rows down...

Duncan - now guess if it's the truth...

PS - My brother-in-law's a cop, actually, but he's got a sense of humor.

[ThaBrkrs349]

What NOT to say to a cop


* I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

* Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

* Aren't you the guy from the village people?

* Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

* I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

* I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

* You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

* Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

* Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

* Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's night stand.

* Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds.

* I pay your salary.

* So uh, you on the take or what?

* Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

* Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

* I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

* What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

* Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

* Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

[Duncan]

Funny. I wrote my little joke yesterday, and managed to get a speeding ticket today.

At least the cop was nice about it. Since I had my paperwork at the ready and no points on my record, he dropped the charge from 49 in a 35 to a more reasonable (though less truthful) 39 in a 35 - thus taking no points and requiring only that I pay the fine before the end of the month.

Sure, it's still sixty friggin' dollars, but at least it's not on my record. And it's nice to know that my speedometer is just as accurate as his radar gun. <_<

Duncan - breakin' the law

[626GrL]

lol

[Roman383]

"Hey Mr. Officer, can you trace me on the ground with your little white chalk ? ?"

[extermin8r]

you could probably get that ticked dropped to 40 or less if you go to court for a mitigation hearing.... all you have to do is explain yourself, it's easy.

[MaxSpeedSE]

Originally posted by DjXsF@Oct 7 2002, 04:06 PM
it was almost 6 am comin back from a party in FL. just got the turbo right the day before so i was testin it. doin bout 120 in 55 mph on my ways home. low n behold johnny law was sittin right down the street from my place. gave the woops and red/blues, so instinctually i stopped. came up to the window hand on gun, asked what the **** i was in such a hurry fer. i told him "occifer i'm late fer work" so i guess for the sake of conversation he asked what i do. "i'm a rectal spreader at the local e.r." he retorts "what the **** is a rectal spreader" i'm used to this question so i recite immediatly "i take the rectum, a lil vasiline and shove my finger in, then i get two fingers in there and then three, and eventually i spread the son of a bitch until its bout six feet" he asks me almost discusted "and what the **** do you do with a six foot ass hole" and without delay i reply "give it a crown vic, a radar gun and tell it pull people over"